The "Doctrine" Of Dating

Just for fun 

Today was the Stake Relief Society Spring Workshop. We went to two classes that we chose and then had lunch, which was taco salad. Yummy! I signed up for dating (no surprise here) and meal planning/healthy lifestyles.

A young married couple taught the dating one. They were so cute and were very helpful. Some of their lesson came from a fireside Elder Oaks gave titled "Dating Versus Hanging Out." You can read it here. There were some great points. Everyone knows it's the guy's responsibility to ask the girl out. But the guys aren't doing that, so this couple taught us what we can do as girls to help them along and realize we're interested. When saying hi, touch them on the shoulder. Smile and make eye contact and do it a few times so they know it's not just a coincidence. I'm not really a touchy person, but they said we should "prayerfully" get out of our comfort zone. I like how they stressed that this is a spiritual thing. We should listen to promptings we have about others and pray when thinking about marriage. Also, separate from the pack. That's just what girls do. We travel in groups, which is very intimidating for guys. They use the excuse that approaching one girl would make the others around her feel bad. I don't really know of anyone that would be too hurt by that, unless it was their crush talking to their friend. Then that's understandable.

Elder Oaks said, "Young women, resist too much hanging out, and encourage dates that are simple, inexpensive, and frequent. Don’t make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don’t subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door." As girls, we like to make food for guys we like and that's fine. We just need to not do it all the time and make sure they're not taking advantage.

One thing I thought was interesting and very true was when they talked about communication. Guys and girls definitely have different ways of communicating. Communication is an exchange of understanding. Just because there is talking and listening going on, doesn't necessarily mean there is communication. For an example they used an audio clip from a BYU professor who is a relationship expert. He started randomly speaking in Spanish and asked who understood. Just because he was speaking and people were listening didn't mean everyone understood what he was saying. Another thing they said was that guys send about 7,000 communication signals a day, while girls send around 21,000. Isn't that crazy? What a big difference. This is why girls have to "say what we mean and mean what we say." Otherwise, guys won't get it. They just don't.

Fact: There is no right way to reject someone. Just be straightforward and do it quickly. It's going to hurt no matter what, so just do it. Here's a good example of how: I like hanging out with you/spending time with you, but if you're looking for a relationship I can't do that. Or something like along those lines.

I'm not going to write about the meal planning/healthy lifestyles because I think it's pretty self explanatory. I will tell you one thing I learned though. Eat breakfast no matter what. Even if it's a cookie. Your body has gone so long without food so you should give it something to work with. Something is better than nothing. Even if it's the worst something you can get your hands on. So don't feel guilty about eating that donut.

Kind of a boring post since most of the people that read this are married family members, but I thought I'd let you in on what I learned.