Lessons of Faith

If you've been reading my blog lately, you'll know that it's been a goal of mine to work on developing my faith. I've been seriously lacking in that spiritual department and I've been praying a lot more regularly to help with the process. At church today, all three talks were so perfect and inspired. I love those moments when you hear something right when you need it!

These are the things that resonated with me the most:

It's okay if your faith is imperfect. Imperfect faith does not mean we are less worthy.

I cannot stress how much I needed this! It's hard living in the Provo bubble where it seems like everyone else around me has the most solid testimony and such strong faith. Everyone else is so much more righteous. Everyone else is more worthy and receiving more blessings. Isn't that a terrible and self damaging attitude to have?

It's only been recently as I've been going through some trials that I've noticed how blessed I really am. I am worthy of receiving blessings and of my Heavenly Father's love. Yes, my faith is imperfect. Honestly, whose isn't? I know I'm striving to be better and continually doing the things that I'm supposed to and that's all I can do. This leads perfectly to the next statement I loved.

It's not okay to be content with our level of faith.
Right now I know it's something I definitely need to work on because it's not where I'd like it to be. Faith, just like conversion to the gospel or strengthening your testimony, is an ongoing process. It's so easy to just become stagnant. Our faith can't change and grow if we're not doing anything differently. I'm really pleased with the progress I've been making in this department and it can only get better.

Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.
I've shared this quote by President Uchtdorf in post before and I'll probably keep sharing it, because it's that good. Iv'e had a recent experience with this recently while job searching. It's been a long, frustrating, and discouraging process trying to get a new job. Looking for a new job is like a job itself. I had a few interviews that I felt went okay but I didn't get the jobs.

There was one place that finally called me back to offer me a job, and I figured they would, but I didn't have a great feeling about it. I told a white lie saying I had an interview with another company the next day so I would call them back to let them know my decision. After the call, I said a quick prayer hoping that things would work out and that I needed something else to come along. I knew I wouldn't like the company and that the work environment wouldn't have been good for me. They had actually told me upfront that while they "aren't sailors or anything" they do use choice words quite often and that I should be comfortable with it. Not even 10 minutes later, I received a call for an interview with another company. Heavenly Father answers prayers. It may not always be that fast, but he always answers. He really does care about our feelings and knows exactly what we need and when we need it.

I didn't end up getting that job, even after doing a second interview. I thought I did great and they even had me stay and observe to see what the job would be like so I thought I had it. But I was wrong. That's when I started to have doubts. I doubted that I made the wrong choice about turning down the job offer. I started to doubt the bad feelings I had about it, even though I clearly had made the right choice and I had prayed about it. Then I realized that's exactly what Satan does. He makes you doubt what you know. He attacks you when you're weak and vulnerable. I needed to doubt my doubts instead of my faith. I'm grateful for these little learning opportunities

Room Enough For Him

In Sunday school at church, we were talking about the parables in Matthew 13. The first one is the parable of the sower. Some seeds fell on stony ground and they withered away because they had no root. Some fell among thorns and grew, but the thorns choked them out. Others fell on good ground and grew successfully. It was the perfect lesson for me. Right now, I'm like the thorny ground. My faith and testimony are alive and growing, but it's hard not to let other things stop them from growing more. As I've mentioned in past posts, I'm working on developing my faith and doing better at my daily scripture study and prayers. I know that if I keep doing the things I'm supposed to, I'll develop into the good ground.

This lesson reminded me of a song by Jenny Phillips. I couldn't find a YouTube video of it already made, so I made my own video with a picture that I really love. 

Life Lately

On Sunday, we made breakfast for some friends. Their apartment won it at the service auction we had at church...back in November. It was Shaina's birthday so it was the perfect day to do it. One person is gluten-free and another is a vegetarian. That made things a little more difficult when planning what to make, but Pinterest is full of great suggestions. I found these little pancake kabobs and fell in love with the idea. They were extremely easy and delicious! We used gluten-free pancake mix, bananas, strawberries and nutella. Mini pancakes are the cutest! We also made some hash browns and gave them orange juice. 

On Monday, we had an egg themed ward FHE. We were split into two teams and the team with the least amount of cracked eggs won. They didn't announce a definitive winner. We were all winners and got some Easter candy. There was an egg toss, egg roulette, and a relay. The best part was watching people play egg roulette. Some eggs were raw while others were hard boiled and you had to crack it on your head. There were left over eggs at the end and everyone who wanted to do it again did. I took a video. 

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day. I didn't wear green, but I painted my nails green and gold. Sarah, Brianna and I went to see Disney's new live action Cinderella movie. We had been preparing for this by watching different versions of Cinderella the week before. I thought this remake was very well done and will be adding it to my collection when it's available.

 We wore dresses (sorry you can't tell from the pictures, because we looked awesome) and tiaras to the movie. I wonder how the guy at the box office knew what movie we were there to see :) Sarah always has a hard time finding the camera on my phone whenever we take pictures.

After the movie we went and got drinks at Sonic. Love me some Ocean Water!

Then we went to Smith's so Sarah could buy ingredients to make dinner since she was unable to help get the breakfast ready on Sunday. She made homemade Mac & Cheese with SPAM. So yummy! The cashier loved our tiaras and was very happy to talk about Cinderella. 

Much better Sarah! Took this before she started cooking. Not pictured: The two of us had our own little dance party while dinner was cooking. Brianna was outside reading. The weather has been sooo wonderful lately!

Later in the evening, Sarah and I watched Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (her choice). I curled her hair since she just recently got it cut and I wanted to play around with it. She returned the favor and played with mine. There is just something magical about someone brushing and playing with your hair. We also gave each other back tickles. 

I also ate a late night bowl of Lucky Charms to celebrate the holiday.

Some other things worth mentioning...

I've gotten better at praying daily and reading my scriptures. With morning prayers, it's still usually an after thought and happens later in the day, but I am praying and that's what matters. I'm much more consistent saying them before bed. I'm slowly getting better at reading my scriptures. Most of the time, I just fall asleep listening to them on my phone because I've been having really bad insomnia and the voice reading them is pretty soothing. My brain just won't stop and I start thinking and stressing about EVERYTHING. My sleep schedule is horrendous right now, but I'm glad to making some progress on these goals.

On Sunday night I had a talk with one of my old roommates and it was good for me because we talked about some spiritual stuff. She is struggling with the basics too. I know a lot of the people around me probably aren't as perfect as I think they are when it comes to daily prayer and scripture study, but they are much better and more consistent than I am so it was nice to find someone on a similar level. 

The spiritual thought given at FHE was on Faith! Again, perfect timing and just what I needed to hear. The thought was based on Ether 12:6-9

Someone on Facebook liked a post by Al Carraway (aka the "Tattooed Mormon"). I clicked on it and then ended up browsing her blog. I've read posts by her before, but I'm not a regular follower. I read this post by her and it fits my life perfectly right now! Not so much the whole marriage part, because I honestly don't think I'm ready for that yet, but to stop stressing and have faith. 

"Those who are single, don't waste your thoughts comparing yourself and defining yourself by what you aren't and by what others are. Don't allow yourself to question "what's wrong with you." Heavenly Father did not shortchange or screw up on you. Don't stress. You just worry about you and worry about God. Because the thing about Heavenly Father is that if we are trying and are patient, we will never be short-changed from the best blessings He has to offer. 

Yeah, sure our future can be uncertain at times, but how exciting that is! How exciting it is to know it's guided by God!

Happiness and unhappiness exists in the same exact place at the same exact time through different people. It's true, life is what you make it. Or it could be what we allow God to make it for us. What will you choose? Choose happiness. And to choose happiness is to choose God. Choose to keep going. Choose to trust. Choose to have faith. To keep your hope. And choose to receive the unexpected, but profoundly greater path with the best blessings. I promise, you'll be alright."

I love how there have been so many things just popping up that I've needed. I know it's not a coincidence. I'm sure this has been the case quite often in my life, I just haven't been in the mind set to notice. His hand really is in all things and prayers are always answered.

To sum up the last few days, life has been pretty great.

Impeccable Timing

Heavenly Father is amazing! Really, he is. He knows exactly what we need and when we need it. In yesterday's post I talked about exercising more faith in Him (and myself) while trying to figure things out. When I got on Facebook today, one of the first things I saw was this article that someone had shared and it was exactly what I needed. 

"See...sometimes the waiting period of our lives is the most important time in our life. It is during this period when nothing seems to be happening, when prayers seem to go unanswered, when God seems so far away that the most spiritual growth takes place in our lives. That we learn to become more like Him. It is during this time that we build spiritual “muscle”. That we grow in faith.That we learn to only depend on Him."

"Don't allow your waiting period to make you hopeless about what tomorrow will bring. Instead, let it build your faith and give you an even greater hope for what God has prepared for you."

How perfect is this? I needed this reminder that while my life seems to have no sense of purpose right now, I can be doing things to grow spiritually. I've been seriously lacking in this department and I'm resolved to make the necessary changes. I always hear people at church talking about how much happier and more at peace they feel when they do the little things like daily prayer and scripture study. I know it's true because I've seen the difference when I've done them. I'm just not consistent. I never have been. I think getting my feelings out here and reflecting over these last two days has really given me the push I need to change. I know it will take time and a real effort to fully establish these habits, but it will be so worth it. 

Something else happened today that really strengthened my testimony of Heavenly Father's love for me. It showed that he knows me and that I needed a boost because I've been feeling so down on myself for not having my life together. My sweet, sweet roommate Sarah handed me a note when she got home from school. It was something she had written during a class. Two parts really stood out me and I'll admit that my eyeballs became a little moist. I'm going to share them with you and if she ever comes across this, I hope she's okay with it. 

"I am writing this note to you, my friend, to tell you how much I appreciate you. You are always there for me and you encourage me to be better...You are so chill and calming when I am stressed and you are always good for a laugh :)" 

"I love you and keep being you, or in other words, keep being awesome!"

Her little note means so much to me! I don't think she knew just how badly I needed it. We have written each other notes before, but we don't do it very often and it has been a while since we last wrote each other.The fact that she wrote one, today of all days, is proof to me that Heavenly Father uses other people as answers to our prayers. 

In Psychology, there is a theory proposed by Abraham Maslow about the five fundamental human needs and how they motivate human behavior. The theory suggests that the most basic level of needs must be met before moving on to the higher levels. Maslow's hierarchy of needs are commonly depicted as a pyramid. It has been expanded a little bit to include more, but I'm just going to go with the basics here. 

Sarah helped me with two of them today.While I may not feel like I'm accomplishing anything in my life at the moment, it's nice to know that I am having a positive effect on someone around me. It's nice to feel loved and appreciated it. I needed to feel loved and appreciated. I'm so blessed to have her in my life! One day, hopefully in the not too distant future, I will set foot in the self actualization level. Until then, I plan to find joy in the journey and do what I can to start meeting my spiritual needs.

A great reminder from the Prophet, Thomas S. Monson

Life is fragile and, therefore, should be handled with prayer. ~Harold B. Lee

Yesterday was fast Sunday. I wanted to bear my testimony, but I didn't get the chance in sacrament meeting. Usually they leave some time at the end of Relief Society for testimonies and I figured that would be less nerve wracking (since I don't like speaking in front of large groups of people). The lesson took up the whole time so I didn't get the chance again. I figured I might as well share my thoughts here.

Because of what happened with my family last week, I've been thinking a lot about prayer. I knew the trial was coming and I had been fasting and praying for a certain outcome. I didn't get the result I wanted. I could have easily seen that as my prayers not being answered. However, this result led to another option for my family, one that could be helpful for the future. I may not have gotten the answer I wanted, but I did get an answer.

It reminds me of the scene in Evan Almighty where the wife is in a restaurant and God (Morgan Freeman) says to her, "Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If he prayed for courage, does God give you courage, or does he give him opportunities to be courageous? If someone prayed for the family to be closer, do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them opportunities to love each other?"

That's how prayer works. We may not get the exact answer we want and we may not get the answer when we want it, but we do get an answer. I love knowing that when I'm praying, I'm being heard. I love having this knowledge. I love having the gospel in my life because I don't know how I could make it though this life without it.

Crazy Doesn't Even Begin To Cover It

I couldn't come up with a better title. I think this one says it all.

So this week has been EXTREMELY crazy, crazier than the week that I referred to as hell. This week was far worse than that one. We return to the ongoing soap opera that is my life to find that I am apparently capable of committing a felony. Who knew? I certainly didn't. Again, I'm not going to go into details, but I got lucky. Talking to a police officer telling me I could have gotten into serious trouble was one of THE scariest moments of my life. Like almost pee your pants scary. To those of you that aren't family and don't know what I'm talking about, this sounds really bad. But it wasn't. And what I did wasn't either. I just hope I don't have to experience something like that ever again.

Throughout this week I have been exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically. Falling into bed and having my head hit the pillow has NEVER felt so good. I've just been so drained at the end of the day. I've even gotten physically sick from just being overly stressed. I hate how this could easily be resolved except for the fact that the person that has all the power is very selfish and won't do the right thing. I also hate that this person has idiots (no joke) helping them make decisions that are affecting lives of multiple people. It's really frustrating.

Through this week, I noticed that I have really been lacking in the faith department. This situation is definitely more than I can handle on my own and I have failed until the other day to ask for heavenly help. I need to remember that there is someone else that I can turn to for help and comfort and I think that is one reason why I didn't end the day on empty. I wasn't drained mentally and emotionally, nor did I get a headache or physically sick from stress. Today was a good day. Probably the best all week in terms of this whole thing.

This summer has definitely been one of the worst. Bad news just keeps on coming and my stress level has sky rocketed. But all this has brought me to one of my favorite quotes from President Eyring. It was from the YW broadcast a couple years ago.

"It is by faith that you can lay hold upon every good thing. I pray with all my heart that your faith will be increased that you are a daughter of a loving God. I testify to you that you have been one of the valiant ones to reach the point where you now are in this journey of life. Just as you are marked as a target by the enemy of righteousness, you have been protected and watched over by your Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. They know you. They know all of the forces and individuals around you. They know what is ahead of you. And so They know which of the choices you make, which of the desires you decide to satisfy, and which of the circumstances around you will make the most difference in keeping you walking in the light. I testify that by the Spirit of Christ and by the Holy Ghost, you may walk confidently in whatever difficulties will come. Because you are so valuable, some of your trials may be severe. You need never be discouraged or afraid. The way through difficulties has always been prepared for you, and you will find it if you exercise faith."

I just LOVE that! I always find it comforting and reassuring to know that I'm so "valuable" and that's why my life has consisted of so much crap and drama. It's good to know that I will make it through whatever comes my way.

On to the good stuff. I think it was Wednesday night?... maybe... Tanya was online and watched the trailer for Dinner For Schmucks. She thought it was so good she looked up the movie times (I didn't know this at the time). She told me the movie looked good and that if we hurried we could make the 10:20 p.m. showing. It was ten after. I asked if she was serious and she said yes. So we went with T.J. and Talanoa. It was so funny. I was laughing through most of it and it made me feel better because the day had been awful. Can I just say how much I love Steve Carell? He's hilarious! One of my favorite actors comedy-wise. Some of his stuff can be inappropriate, but he is just so funny. Tanya was laughing so hard she was crying!

Thursday I went boating the Hufanga family. It was so much fun...once we got a new battery for the boat. We got a little bit of a late start, but it was worth the wait. The weather was perfect and tubing was so much fun. Me, T.J. and Talanoa were on the tube at one point and it was a tight fit. It was a lot harder to hang on. On the way home, we stopped at The Cedar Shack in Sweet Home. The food was so good. I had an amazing cheeseburger, curly fries, and a pineapple shake. Delicious!! While we were waiting for our food, I noticed they had a bunch of old yearbooks from Sweet Home High School. Tanya told me one of the women we work with at the office graduated from SHHS. We found her senior yearbook. It was fun to look at. I took pictures with my phone. They didn't turn out that great, but I can't wait to show her at work. It was a good day. One of the highlights of my week.

Today had a rocky start but got better. I got to go school shopping with my sister. Shopping with Alina is a lot of fun. She is just so cute and looks really good in most things. We found this adorable teal sweater that looks amazing on her. I can't wait for it to get cool off enough for her to wear it. We also saw this adorable red jacket at Target and I really want her to get it when she gets the money. It would look so good with a white tee, these perfect jeans we found, and the cute shiny black flats she bought. There was also this pink dress thought I thought would look so good with these boots at Target too. But she didn't like the idea. It would have looked good though, I know it. Maybe that look would work for Sunhee. I want to go shopping with both of them! That would be so much fun and both of them are just so cute and would great in all the cute clothes that are out there. Hopefully I'll get the chance to do that soon.

Well, I'm tired and need to get some sleep. Hopefully tomorrow is a good day and I can end my week on a high note.